Spirit Babies

This one was written many moons ago during my first or second trimester of this current pregnancy~ I’m sharing it on here, as well as other past musings, to crystallise into an existence I can easily come back to read.
These piece of writing will be for me, & if others so chose to read & experience a little bit of what I have to share, I am eternally grateful for the exchange.

Spirit Babies

Those who know me, know I’ve had a spirit baby around me for many years~ ready to be called in, acting as a strong guide in all that I create. I talked about her a lot. She has been communicating to me in many different ways since I first met her, even before my relationship with Andy.

When Andy & I got together, early on in our relationship she tried to come through~ but it wasn’t her time. A very early loss, “a chemical pregnancy” as they call it, but a blessing as it taught us so much. Since then she’s been the energy of the butterfly that has been poured into all I’ve been creating ever since our first meeting. I’ve seen what she looks like & heard her voice as she whispers mummy~ I’ve grieved her, I’ve loved her, I’ve been guided by her. That’s why my studio has had so much butterfly energy, she was there through so many of my transformations from those old caterpillars I used to be, making sure I was being true to my soul, doing the work I needed to do, to one day hold her as a mama here on this new earth.

She has guided me along my journey of healing my red thread, connected with my ancestors as they’ve guided me in reclaiming my feminine power & healing the long line of ancestral feminine wounds & womb distortions. 

When I went to Peru in January this year, I met with her again so strongly during a plant medicine ceremony~ she showed me who she is, who she wants to be when she comes to earth, when we meet again in physical form~ but that ceremony had much more than just her to show me.

During that particular ceremony (that ultimate life-changing ceremony) I met with another spirit baby for the very first time. Taking me by surprise, my future son with an eagle guide standing strongly on the sacred Apu mountains in the Andes. Him & I danced in song & communication for such a long time during that ceremony, he was feirce, powerful, strong, but so soft & sensitive~ he told me he needed to be a big brother to his sister. But then, I grieved him ~ making his presence known in my womb, I felt he had already manifested there, that I may have already been holding him inside my womb~ but that it too, was not his time. Oh the pain inside my womb that lasted for hours! A giant clearing out of energy. Too early to ever really know, but my goodness I was grateful for his entrance into my awareness. & grateful for the assistance of that powerful plant medicine. 

I fell in love. In complete adoration for who these children are, & they weren’t even here yet. 

I cried. & I cried. 

Oh the longing for your baby when you know they are so close.

For the couple of months after that ceremony, he went quiet, while she still very much so made her presence known. I thought maybe he’d left & our journey was done.

When we decided we would open up the realms of conception, not in a “planned” or “scheduled” way, but to simply allow space for a little soul to come in~ not “trying” but no longer preventing, I had a strong vivid dream of me nursing a pink baby Cobra. That Cobra was my baby, & when I looked into it’s eyes I knew it was the soul that was going to come through. Being pink in colour, I assumed it was her, though I don’t know if it was now~ either way, this baby had/has a strong feminine energy.

…

Below is a letter I wrote to my baby during implantation & early pregnancy 

Baby, you’ve been so present here that it’s been really hard to resist you,

waiting for the right time,

the right moment,

my maternal instincts running wild as I get to know you on the outside before I welcome you inside.

Then came the day, the weeks, & the mere few months of the strongest communication I’ve ever felt from you.

You were ready & you were calling to come in~ upgraded in power & ready to bring your light & be amongst the first generation of the new world~ a chaotic time on the planet indeed. 

So many mixed feelings flooded me as I was longing to have you here, knowing the old world was crumbling. Am I mad for wanting to have you here NOW of all times, doubting the future of humanity you made sure I knew the truth,& trusted in this completely divine path.

…

You assured me, this was your moment.

…

But something else had came up that I had to work through before I let you in. In came the news that my womb had finally had enough of holding onto dense energy that was no longer in alignment with me~ signalling deep work & reconnection with my sacred womb, the place in which us women store our trauma,

our pain,

our ancestral patterns,

the pain of our mothers womb,

& her mother’s womb 

& so on..

& that it was either now or never that I worked on this part of me, healing the ancestral feminine line of traumas that needed to be cut, erased, removed~ healing my birth trauma from your big brothers entrance, healing my wounded feminine & masculine & the pain I’ve stored in my womb for many timelines~

& so I dove deep within that portal, with the assistance of the divine, the master plants, the wisdom of Pachamama & the only one who had the power to do it all, ME.

I did it, so that you my love,

could come through more pure,

not needing to carry that stuff. Because baby, it isn’t yours just like it wasn’t mine. & you made sure I knew how powerful I was to do the work.

…

It was time.

You were really ready.

& I don’t think I had a choice anymore, you needed to be here.

…

But Now You Are Finally Here, I feel you.

From the dream I had of you showing up as a baby Cobra, nestled lovingly into my chest ~ this symbol was you telling me you’d be here in the moments I was learning the yoga of the sacred Cobra~ Kundalini.~ conceived right in the middle of my teachings.

Of course, the Cobra~ my power animal I met with last year. But this one was pink telling me your strong feminine essense~ your embodied feminine you carry strongly, no matter the gender you have chosen. 

Then you just kept coming in, in dreams, in visions, in meditation. Mother Mary had visited me a few times, handing you to me in visions~ the same vision I had on the night we conceived you. I feel your presense with the Christ lineage is strong~ a little soul here to help anchor in Christ Consciousness on this wonderful planet. 

In the week you were conceived I had a shamanic womb rite initiation & goddess Isis came through with a baby on her back, unwrapping you & handing you to me~ this also being the day I finished a 21 day cycle of womb healing with liquid crystals.

Then later that same week, on the morning after we conceived you, I received a shamanic soul retrieval & energy extraction from a dear friend~ at the end an old wise Puruvian woman, an ancestor, came to me again with you wrapped around her back, handing you to me, still wrapped in Peruvian textiles which weaved stories & medicine into my every being~ a visit from my ancestors handing you over to me.

Oh how I could go on about the ways you’ve shown yourself to me, to us & the timing of it all~ you’ve been visiting your dad in dreams too I see.

Just after I began kundalini yoga teacher training, I began to feel you in my womb~while synchronistically learning yogic lessons on ancient conception, pregnancy & birth practices in India~ you arrived during a week of Kundalini womb healing kriyas & visits from Hindu Gods & Goddesses showing me you’re here now with some beautiful ancient wisdom from all these lineages I feel you’re from.

You are a being of ancient power & medicine, I feel it.

I know you’ve travelled aeons, cosmically connected to my star family~ I know you well my dear, you know me too. You know all of us.

You didn’t come to my womb gently. A painful implantation, a burning fire, flarring up & clearing out old energy~ almost the same feeling as that medicine ceremony in Peru, you were making my womb a sacred place where you could form into the body your soul has chosen to become~from the moment I felt you, you’ve made sure I faced my fears, grieved my losses & birth trauma & really sank into the space of acceptance, trust & allowance for you being here.

Dismissing all the fear paradigms & conditioning from medical system who told me this would be hard~you’re not here for that nonsense & you’re making sure I know I’m not either.

Time and time again you’ve shown me you need to land here Wild & Free ~ & so it shall be.

A painful entrance into the womb, I prayed & chanted~ I made an altar for you & made offerings to it daily, connecting to you in my womb~ knowing you were there, but too early to “test” I had to trust all was well. And it was. 

….

& that was the beginning, the beginning of a new journey, many months of the deepest purging & shadow work as I levelled up to the vibration of my baby, the vibration I need to be, in order to be the mama these children need. 

In the beginning, I was convinced this baby cobra was my baby girl~ but the more I have tuned in, the more I communicate & dream of this little one, I feel / see this baby is my son. Too many times to count, I’ve seen it is a HE. But SHE has also shown up a couple of times to let her know her presence is still strong, to the point where I’ve been told by almost everyone around me that they sense baby is a girl. 

Every time I connect, I see the little Cobra, mostly blue & sparkly now, coiled up inside my womb. I’ve nicknamed it baby Cobra~ & I’m excited for this little being to tell me their name, as so far it’s all still floating in the ethers.

I feel so deeply connected to this little one, & I’m so in love. So grateful for the communication & the journey we’ve been on to get here as I feel as though I’ve released lifetimes of limiting stories & beliefs & this soul hasn’t even landed earthside yet. How magical is it to be able to feel and connect so deeply with a soul you are yet to meet in the physical.

I pray everyone who has children allows the space to connect with their babies spirit pre-conception in this way. Its something I’d love to assist others in, when it aligns. We all have the ability.

The more I communicate the more I see that this babe, is still so deep in the Cosmos~ but so close, surrounded by cosmic guides & beings who are showing me constantly how I will birth this little babe~ & during birth I will travel to the cosmos to bring them back here. When I’ve seen my baby, I see them with cosmic blue hues, stars & galaxies all over their skin & eyes~ a piece of cosmic star dust, with an indigo/violet Aura & markings & codes on their little face, always held by a celestial version of myself as their mama.

(Artwork created in honour of my spirit babies)